Fatherhood

White

Male

Privileged

This is all you see

Judging without knowing

Retelling the wrong story

But look twice

There’s a surprise lurking underneath

I live a nightmare of pain

You can’t imagine

Maybe you can

Many days I don’t get to see

My sunshine that I live for

No contact

Do the right thing and get questioned

Act selflessly and get degraded

Fighting for the future

Fighting for the now

What I love most used against me

Don’t stop to think

If I do I see my deepest fear

The Sun never shining again

Golden light snuffed out before the day is done

Gotta press on

Gotta move forward

Gotta play the long game

This isn’t theoretical

It’s my reality

I’m scarred and I’m broken

Bruised and abused

Mere existence a gaslight

But I’m not beaten

Never beaten

I may be white

I may be male

I may be privileged

But is that all?

Look again.

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Next Step

Deep Breath

Eyes Closed

World Isn’t Over Yet

Still Strong

Still Moving On

Time For The Next Step

Time For The Next Attempt

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Mettle Detector

This is how it feels

This is how it feels

Maybe not what is

But this is how it feels

I give an inch; A mile is taken

I turn my cheek; A black eye paired

What I love most weaponized against me

An innocent turned to a pawn

Repercussions for showing strong

It’s not what’s fair

It’s not what’s right

It doesn’t matter if I fly

Doesn’t matter if I fight

Justice absent, a game with no rules

And the most precious set to lose

Sometimes fatherhood isn’t taking a bullet

Sometimes fatherhood is taking abuse

This is not about how it feels

This is not about how it feels

This is about how it is

How it continues

Abuse and manipulate me

I can endure

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Sacrifices

What sacrifices have you made?

Do you know the definition of the word?

What have you had to give up lately?

How have you been burned?

It may look like I’m being walked on,

beaten up, and losing.

It may look like that but believe me

the circumstances are confusing.

I do not lose, I’m not a push over,

My will is not a doormat.

I choose to give, I choose to let

another will trump mine.

My sacrifice is my ego,

and I give patience for my time.

It’s not that I don’t feel the urge

to fight back with every fiber.

Merely that it would do no good

and damage me as well.

I sacrifice because I love

so deeply and so strongly.

It is beyond myself that I

get strength to let it go.

So when you think of sacrifice,

think not of loss or woe.

It is a choice, made in free will

To love and then let go.

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Unpopular

I am afraid

Targets on my back

Down range they aim to score

Always at my expense

The bullseye is bigger than the standard

It’s a double measure stacked against me

My future is uncertain

But I’m quickly losing ground

I don’t know where I’ll end up

And the direction that I’m bound

I am afraid

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Rough

It’s not my intention

To create such intense contention

Setting ablaze with mere words

The kindling of a bad day’s curse

Thoughtless on occasion

Devoid of affective persuasion

My tongue long has betrayed me

My contrition seems inadequate

Still I offer what I’m able

Apologies on the table

But more than that

I’m hopeful for forgiveness

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Friendsgiving

A great many tables set for a score,

With iced beer and wine bottles galore,

A huge fucking bird

With enough meat for thirds

An uproarious evening fit for lore!

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